So, by now, you have probably noticed that we can have the occasional brash streak when it comes to terrible relationship advice or clueless relationship gurus.
The reason for that is because we directly deal with the fallout from this misleading and uniformed advice everyday when we help our clients through their own relationship struggles.
Reverse psychology? Mind games? Manipulative seduction scripts? No-win thinking? You’ll never hear that from us.
Sometimes it seems like it’s very rare to find anyone else who doesn’t tell you that a “healthy” relationship is based on calculated control, which is why it is such a breath of fresh air to stumble across someone else who “gets it.”
In fact, here are 10 other websites that we love that are run by people who we would confidently recommend to our readers and friends:
Authentic World
Authentic World is probably one of the biggest reasons why you are here reading this blog right now.
Clay went through one of their Authentic Man Program courses back in 2007 in San Francisco and it completely changed the way he handled love and relationships.
Kind of a tall claim, but they really deliver.
Authentic World is committed to helping people learn how to relate better to one another whether they be lovers, friends, or strangers. Authentic World has gone global since then and if you’re lucky, you may have an Authentic World community in your neighborhood.
Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue
Natalie Lue is at the top of my list when it comes to “getting it.” Natalie helps women who are in a winning streak of poor relationships, create healthy boundaries on how they want to be treated in a relationship.
Natalie does not sugar coat or coddle you. On Baggage Reclaim, you’ll identify the root cause of why you’re attracting men who prove that your deepest fears and beliefs about yourself are true.
If you aren’t willing to step out of your comfort zone or go against the grain of everything you thought you knew about relationships, than Baggage Reclaim isn’t for you (and to be frank, neither is The Path to Passion.)
Table of contents:
Mika
Mika loves to help others overcome their transparent beliefs that prevent them from having the love they want. She does regular live online presentations on thriving relationships where she also answers live questions. Mika is not a fan of being tickled and one day Clay will realize this as they have way too many tickle fights.
15 Responses to 8 Awe-inspiring Relationship Bloggers Who “Get It”
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:) thank you!!
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Mika Replied:
<3
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Hi Mika i would like to thank you for what you guys do. Me and my ex have been broken up for a while i really didnt know what to do so i took your advise and work on myself and concentrated on my kids all 4. But this week i came home early and heard her on the phone with another guy and thats when i heard it my wife of 23 years the mother of all 4 of my kids talk to another guy and she going oh and said that she love him too! My heart actually broke into. I have never felt like this before i can acctually heard my heart break into. Now i hear those words over and over in my head i truely dont know what to do can you help!
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Mika Replied:
Are you and your ex living together? That makes it even a bit more tricky. I would start apply Active No Contact (rather than [passive no contact that most people do). If you’re giving your ex the BENEFITS of being in a relationship with you, you’re not giving them an opportunity to experience the consequence of breaking up with you. Sign up here for more help from Clay and us on your breakup plus I’ll hook you up with a little freebie. Hang in there, Michael. I know this is tough. Sending you loving vibes, Mika
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Your blog is nuttin like the other blogs I’ve seen out there on relationships. Thanks for this list on other people to check out, have never heard about most of them before, I will have to check these people out!
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Mika Replied:
Please do, these people are awe inspiring!
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HAPPY TO SEE NATALIE ON THIS LIST! I had a feeling you guys must know her since your blogs are similar in terms of your message:)
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Mika Replied:
Natalie is brilliant! Gotta love her.
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Adore you! Thank you so much for including me:)
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Mika Replied:
HEYYY PRETTY LAAADY! Thank YOU for the work you do!
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I found this site today and It is the best and most advanced relationship material I have so far seen.
Admittedly I may have overlooked something, but I find the something is missing.
So I would like to put out a simple question here in the open
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What use is all this wisdom worth if you are unable to attract a relationship to begin with ?
—
My resin for asking this seemingly odd question is that I personally have gained similar wisdom having to do very had self work in my efforts to get out of digging myself into a rather deep hole
in my life and on top of that being stickier to it falling into the foot rap of illusional psychiatric help.
Well you can be sure that nothing happens If you don’t try anything so:
My choice was to lower my expectations and try to forget all about being critical and gain some experience by working with what I could get and get the best possible out of it.
I must admit to having immediate success with overcoming the hurdle of creating a long-time relationship starting out by learning about a concept new for me:
being stalked (3 years in all)
overlapped by attracting woman who admitted to having bad behavior by been abused themselves.
But seemingly content with living their life in the role of the victim.
And very unwilling to work with their own issues.
—–
From one point of view it seems like I have been living thru all the mistakes on this site simultainously
even thou I knew better.
On the other side relationship advice is useless if you have no real life experience to hang it on to ?
—–
So I’m left with the feeling that the fundamental question remains still unsolved as I so far have been unable to attract a partner willing to work on her ovn issues, but instead have ended with the role of being the scapegoat repeatedly.
—–
My logical solution would point to (my obvious) boundary issues, as playing a large role (I knew that).
Even if I’m unable to change the pattern of attracting abused woman who themselves act abusively
I’t could stop matters getting so far out of hand.
—–
However:
It may also be possible for me to attract a partner with the mindset of willingness to work thru the rough spots and ability to let go of the drama next time ?
——
Note: I have deliberately put in the psychiatry issue and painted that picture small as I still find that subject mostly taboo and traumatizing for most people to even think about. But what is the advice you get from others worth if you only tell them half of the story ?
‘
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Mika Replied:
A very thought provoking comment.
It seems to me, correct me if I am wrong, but your question is you’re struggling on attracting the right kind of partner who takes responsibility for their own emotions?
My thoughts on this:
In order to take control of your love life (move it in a forward & positive direction) you must know that YOU create the outcomes in your life. This is where responsibility is a must.
Think of the top of the iceberg as your conscious mind. What’s actually below the surface is much larger than the iceberg itself. The huge land mass below the surface is your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is where you store your beliefs along with other information that allows you to walk or tie our show without consciously thinking about it. Whatever beliefs or scripts you’ve been living with your whole life (due to a traumatic childhood or experience) FUELS how you respond/react to the world around you which creates the quality of your life.
*Your internal beliefs system creates what you consciously focus on.
*What you focus on creates your emotions and feelings.
*Your emotions than create your actions and behavior = the results in your life.
Also, we have no control over anyone else but ourselves, we can’t make our partner change,have certain desires, fears, or even make them love us/fall out of love with us.
The ONLY person we have any control over is ourselves and how we choose to react or respond to these people creates the DYNAMIC of ALL our relationships.
How we cope with our emotions is directly correlated to our belief system. If you had a traumatic experience growing up, the only way you could survive that experience is if you were in constant self-preservation mode, creating your limiting beliefs and scripts that don’t serve you.
When my hardcore Filipino mother abused me and my little sister, I grew up to believe that I’m not worthy of the love I wanted because my own mother didn’t give me love and affection, why would anyone else love me? I grew up betting AGAINST MYSELF.
Your beliefs about yourself (i.e I will never find someone to love me, I’m smart enough, people will never accept me, etc) fuel the motivation behind the choices you’ve made and attracts women who validate and prove your beliefs. Only with awareness can you transform your beliefs.
Instead of asking yourself WHY can’t I ever find the right woman, ask yourself what is going on INSIDE OF YOU that’s attracting the wrong types of women in the first place. We do our best to help motivate people to be the change they want to see happen in their love life and since the Path to Passion is our livelihood, we tell the full story at the Passion Program (this is where we hold people by the hand and give them the 1 on 1 support they need to fix their specific situation).
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Admittedly I’m trying to stretch the boundaries of understanding here, and this is usualy a provocative experience.
I have long since come to terms with a strong disliking of the why question as: lets just say counter productive in any way and let that rest.
I really have no need to rest in explaining for myself or others why I’m unable to achieve the results I’m looking for, because if I really knew why I would have success instead of failure.
The how instead opens the mind up for looking after new possibilities, and make you focus on getting the result your after.
I totally agree with your reply and have had to go the opposite way than most focusing on getting to terms with the only person I can be sure I have to deal with all my life:
Myself.
I have always had a very power full self worth, self esteem and integrity.
However I have always had a hard time understanding why other people didn’t make better choices and why I had to play by their rules ?.
In my culture there has been a strong tradition for that everybody was equal (I live in Denmark) and that everybody had the same opportunities, createng the strong illusion
we all experience reality the same way and have the same needs.
I have experienced many people say to me that I lived in a different world and that their world was not the same as mine.
Well if we didn’t have something in common how would we be able to sense that someone else was there to communicate with ?
Maybe the reality is larger than 1 person is able to see in total. And we are only able to decode part of it with our senses.
Some parts overlap (what we have in common with a given person), others don’t.
I notice you differentiate between emotions and feelings:
I hope we can agree to this definition.
Emotions = the raw sensing like hot,cold a whole in the stomach, dizziness, anger etc.
Feelings = Emotion + the thought we associate with it. (i.e.: I’m hungry, I feel like hitting you).
Myself having a very strong track record of having to deal with separating chaotic emotions and thought point to learning to observe our thoughts and be able to select which thought we associate with our emotions is the deepest level we can get to with our conscious mind, this way we can take charge of our feelings.
And that is as good a psychology ever can get.
So the emotions are the fuel, the incitament from where all our actions then begin….
I agree.
the next small step is our reflexes which we also are able to reprogram..-> actions, behavior etc… And this is where I point to I can change my signal value towards the outer world in a primary non manipulative way.
This can lead to results and is all very good so far.
I would like to hold on to trying to hold the emotional part separate.
The part where we start processing it with thoughts in our mind and our own unresolved traumas can come int play, internalizing so to speak. All this I will put under the label of psychology. And dismiss it from here with the question:
Why has psychology lost the battle for being the preferred solution against mental illnesses ? what is is missing ?
I very much like thinking of emotions as fuel, because fuel is energy.
The closer we can get to the root of the cause creating unbalances in our life the more profound are the results we get so:
Is it possible to reach the beginning of the chain and change our emotions ?
And if so then how ?
And what on earth does this have to do with becoming able to attract a partner who takes responsibility for her own emotions ? :-)
The link to this for me was when i learned about energy sensivity or energy awareness.
There is a publication available (There is also an english version, ask if interested) containing that if you ask the population if they experience they are able to sense energies like the radiation from other people, healing energies etc.
— 20 – 30% (1/5 to 1/3) will answer yes
— the rest will be unable to relate to the experience and will think its some odd kind of belief system or religion.
The other part of this study points out that in the CAM sector (Alternative medicine).
90 % of the practioners and
80 % of the clients, will answer yes to this question.
Generaly almost all are born with the ability, loose it in childhood and for some it then wakes up later in life usually creating a krises.
Others like me have been energy aware their whole life, not making it easier to understand and relate to other people as the whole subject has been under a strong taboo.
I hope I haven’t lost you.
And I’t is clear that this changes the perspective somewhat.
Pointing out that you can look at emotions as energy.
You can do energy balancing work on your own traumas.
As well as the energies you constantly are exchanging with others.
Being so far out in life as I have been meant that the only way back has been
disillusion and deeper knowledge.
And placing my focus on putting my effort as early into the chain of cause and effect as I could get.
Believing and placebo works but can only carry you some of the way.
So I have to admit to trying to enhance the very good points you are making here
and take them a level deeper, doing my best to bypass getting stuck in a pointless discussion.
“quote”
Your internal beliefs system creates what you consciously focus on.
*What you focus on creates your emotions and feelings.
*Your emotions than create your actions and behavior = the results in your life.
This is still true and I still agree.
What I’m trying to say is that I only see it as true as long as you are working with your own issues, internally
If I change the perspective relationship to relationship dynamics and lay to that maybe its true that we also exchange energies with our surroundings external from our bodies.
And that we also pick up these sensations via our nerve system feeding our emotional system.
Something needs to be added to the picture.
And I’m looking to find that out.
———–
I hope I’m making sense, and not coming thru as an underdog trying to make points in an argument.
Coming from a perspective where realizing that I myself was so numbed down that the only feelings I had was what leaked over into me from other people, was a crucial stepping stone towards gaining control and getting back into living, alters the way you see things rather profoundly is all I can say to that.
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Aw, thanks for including me, lady! UM, and I’ve heard a lot about Authentic World from my friend Jeffrey Platts in DC, THEN I “accidentally” met someone in SF who was involved with it. I think it’s something I need to explore further!
<3 <3 to you!
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Mika Replied:
Hey hot stuff in the pink shades, you’re soooo very welcome. Yes! Authentic World is actually what got Clay and I started on this little crusade we’re on. We LOVE the work they do on better relating. xx! (P.S I owe you an email, be on the lookout)
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