How to Escape From the Land of the Unliving

Hey this is Mika!

I know I’ve been MIA for a while, but a debilitating cold can render you into a human-shaped blob on your bed for days. Clay’s been hogging the spotlight for the past few posts (he does that with the blankets at night too!).

But I thought I’d share something that’s been on my mind…

A few days ago, I was telling someone about my interests… one is personal development. Since we shifted from the meaningful conversation topics like “wearing fleece lined tights” or “where she bought her shoes,” I thought I’d take things a little deeper and tell her what I really wanted for my life.

As I was telling her how I wanted to help other people liberate themselves from the beliefs and obstacles that prevent them from living the life they want, I saw her eyes glaze over. You know that same look someone gives you when you know they’d rather be somewhere else (like cleaning a toilet) rather than listening to what you have to say.

I don’t really care much if the NFC beats the AFC in the Superbowl, if Susie in marketing is sleeping with Victor from HR, or if wearing leopard print tights while carrying a leopard print umbrella is just too much leopard (apparently animal skin is in now).

If you care about any of those things… that’s cool too, just my personal preference.

I just thought we could take the conversation further… you know talk about what really matters. Don’t worry, I didn’t just meet her and say “My name is Mika, what’s your hopes and dreams?” We’ve known each other for bit.

It seemed like her preference in conversations lingered on topics like her “extracurricular activities” with men, shopping, and partying.

Since I used to be exactly where she is now, I thought there’s got to be something I can connect with her about. And when I dug a little deeper and asked her about her feelings and her thoughts, I think I would have gotten more of a response if I told a dog to go get me a beer in the fridge.

Has this ever happened to you?

When you reached out to someone in hopes of getting to know them but instead all they want to do is have a flat 2 dimensional conversation about who Kim Kardashian is currently dating or the weather.

Does it sometimes seem like you’re among the land of the dead, as if you’re the only one who wants to have an actual conversation where everyone around just wants conversations that keep you at a distance and prevent you from really knowing them?

Or maybe…

I’m just more awake than her.

If you’re anything like me, I refuse to settle for a life of mediocrity. That means I don’t have much room in my life for shallow relationships and less than my best.

Mediocrity can dwell within every aspect of our lives.

Within our relationships.

Within our jobs.

Within our health

and within every choice we make…

I remember the days before I cared about the quality of my life.

I went to the clubs and bars with the girlfriends, swapped stories with co-workers about how drunk I got over the weekend, invested too much energy and emotions on work gossip , came home to a man who spent all day designing fantasy football jerseys while throwing grown-up hissy fits when his favorite team loss.

These were the years I consciously settled for less than I want because I didn’t think I had the power to change otherwise.

Have you ever felt like there was MORE to life than what you are currently experiencing right now?

My interactions with people were shallow and lacked any real depth. And I was constantly looking for the next best thing to fill that dark vast void in the depths of my soul.

These days, when I try to get to know people, I do my best to get to really know them… even if they’re not ready to show me their genuine self, I try to create a space for them to do so.

I lacked the depth and quality in my life and relationships.  I lacked the vigor and passionate fervor… I lacked the feelings of ALIVENESS that stir your soul and reverberate throughout every fiber of your being.

If this resonates at all with you, here are some ways you can wake up from the land of the dead.

1. Expand Your Ideas of What Is Possible

When you feel dissatisfied with life, but you just don’t know why or what to do about it, it is generally because you are making a compromise and settling for less than what you really want.

Many of these compromises can seem invisible or be completely outside of your awareness. After all, if you don’t even know about all the possibilities available (and there are A LOT of them), then how can you choose?

Expanding your views about what you can have, be, or do in life is a continuous process. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion, it’s an ongoing process of constantly daring to dream a bigger dream (and it also tends to involve a lot of crying too!).

To get started expanding what you want, get in the habit of writing your thoughts down in a journal or diary. Putting your feelings in writing helps you get clear and make sense of those undefined feelings of dissatisfaction. Plus, you can look back at what you wrote down the road and see patterns about what you seem to want from life in a way that you might miss otherwise.

2. Quit Expecting Other People and Things to Fill You

A lot of people expect other things and people to fill their life. They want to be entertained, amused, or swept off their feet by something amazing.

As a result they go through life in a passive or receptive state. They soak in television, stupid videos on the internet, and rely on external circumstances to determine how they feel. When they aren’t being entertained enough, these people tend to feel “bored.”

I hardly ever feel bored. I’m not saying this to brag. I’m saying this because you don’t have to feel bored either.

If you express a passion, a love, a purpose to your life, you make a dramatic switch. Instead of defining your emotional state by what comes to you, you define your emotional state by what you give to others.

Your mind will constantly be racing with ideas for how to express yourself and share your gifts with the world. This might take the form of sharing a message with the world, thinking up new ways to tell your partner know how much you love them, or just fulfilling a burning desire in your heart.

(I mean, think about it, when you’re falling in love, you hardly ever felt bored, right?)

Suddenly the flow of energy goes from waiting for stimulation to come to you to a place where energy flows out of you.

In effect, you become the change you want to see in the world.

This is something I’ve said before (I think Gandhi might have said this too, but who’s keeping score?)

3. Bet on Your Yourself in a BIG Way!

It’s not always going to be easy to take risks you might need to wake up from the land of the dead. Sometime you have to risk rejection, failure, or other setbacks.

These things can be frightening, but you have to change your relationship with fear. Instead of seeing it as a reason to stop, take it as a reason to keep going!

It’s easy to coast through life, settling for “doing what works” or “just getting by,” but if you’re here, I imagine that isn’t what you really want.

Take a chance. Instead of betting against yourself by settling for something you don’t want, bet on yourself in a big way and challenge yourself to step into the life you really want!

Isn’t it time you stopped playing small? Isn’t life about more than just “I like your shoes” or getting black-out drunk on the weekends?

No one knows exactly what awaits us after our life comes to an end. Why play as if there’s a reset button or a “level 2″? For all you know this might be the only chance you have. So why not go after what you want and build the life you truly desire? Get out of the land of the dead and start living TODAY!

{photo credit: xJason.Rogersx}