I have a dear friend who recently became engaged.
He was often thrown into the whirlwind of his fiancee’s family events that happened more often than he would have liked. He was unaccustomed to his fiancee’s family dynamic due to the difference in his own upbringing.
This particular issue has caused a lot of strain in their relationship and in the past, they have actually broken up over this.
The root of the issue has to do with more about the difference in their expectations, their childhood experiences and creating personal boundaries. Perhaps you’ve struggled with this in your relationship as well.
All of our experiences are a result of certain expectations.
You work extra extra long hours at work, you expect to get a bigger paycheck. You dedicate yourself to working out and eating healthy, you expect to see certain results in your physical appearance. You refill the toilet paper roll when it’s empty and you expect others to do the same. You expect to do ABC in your relationship and you expect XYZ to happen, right?
But what happens when our expectations aren’t met? Just like with my friend mentioned earlier, his expectations of family togetherness was shockingly different from his fiancee’s own expectations that it’s always been sore spot in their relationship.
Our childhood experiences affect a lot of the choices we make today.
Most of our expectations differ from one another because we had different experiences growing up. Usually these differences are what causes many problems in a relationship when it’s not met with acceptance and compassion.
Here are a few ways how unrealistic expectations in relationships causes unnecessary pain and drama.
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Mika
Mika loves to help others overcome their transparent beliefs that prevent them from having the love they want. She does regular live online presentations on thriving relationships where she also answers live questions. Mika is not a fan of being tickled and one day Clay will realize this as they have way too many tickle fights.
9 Responses to 4 Completely Unrealistic Expectations in a Relationship That Ruin Love
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Wow, just in time Mika. No wonder I have always be in a very bad mood. Never thought I was having so much expectations in my relationship.
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Hey Mika!
You know what, I had no idea how much expectations I had in my relationship, I kept asking him if he thought we’d ever get married. Then from there, I would try to point out which engagement rings I liked. And after the holidays, I was really crushed when he didn’t propose. I guess I am one of those girls who kept focusing on getting “the ring.” I don’t know why this happens, I know sooo many women who experience this too. When my close friend got engaged, I just wanted that ring myself. as if it symbolized our love for one anoother. But you’re right, marriages don’t happen at the alter. I have to remember to focus on the RELATIONSHIP MOMENTS instead of that damn ring! Thannks again for opening my eyes and making me realize I was creating more drama and suffering for myself.
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Mika Replied:
Gina,
It’s crazy how so many women experience this. I’ve always wondered why getting the engagement ring was such a coveted prize in the whole dating scheme. Glad to provide some clarity in your situation:) Thanks for your comment.
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It’s very suffocating for a man to feel this pressure to propose. Once you factor in the cost of the ring and the pressure to take the plunge, it’s quite frightening to even THINK about proposing. As for that guy whose gf broke up with him over it… good riddance for him! The fact that a woman would break up over her man not ready to propose is a clear sign she was desperate for a marriage and most likely will have a lot of expectations on the marriage down the road. I understand that some women view the “ring” as a prize and turn into bridezilla. I’s something I never understood.
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Mika Replied:
I think a big part of it is the “Happily Ever After” notion. Blame it on Disney! Thanks for stopping by, Jensen:)
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What if your ex gf is on rebound and is proposed by the new guy when on honeymoon stage of the rebound and she says yes when she is in rebound for 3 months and knows the guy for 5 after a break up of 2 year relation! what it means?
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Reading this article just reminded me why I fell in love with this blog :)
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Mika Replied:
We <3 you too:)
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What to do when your gf (with whom you wanted wedding family and much more) of 2.5 years breaks up with you and she is in a rebound relationship and gets engaged within 2.5 months of the break up? it is not about whose fault it was/is and bad luck and how much tough it was!!! we guys really dont believe in meant to be phrase if we like someone we ask her out, and if we fall in love and get in a serious relationship, we think of wedding, guys dont think of wedding & family as much as girls do but when we do that means we are 100% serious and much more….
so now can Clay you write 1/2 articles on rebound relationships?
Thanking you
Arjun
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